I have decided to use this blog to have a rant..no, no not about Mother’s lawn, which is now a lovely shade of green with only the merest imprint of The Master’s hoof. A lot of us have two or three horses that we school over the winter, take to a couple of Events and then sell on making a bit of profit to pay for the hideous FEI entries, the scary vet’s bill and the endless pampering of the star neddies.
I advertise. Long, long phone conversation. Excellent, you are coming on Tuesday, I look forward to seeing you. Polish horse, rake school, put out least battered fence poles. It is a no show. Rant One – You have a PHONE, text ‘not coming’. You come on Tuesday. Horse is a star, you do shoulder in, you jump 1.10m, you hack down the road, you examine incomprehensible foreign passport, you take videos, you look at videos, you have a cup of tea and leave two hours later saying you are very interested and will discuss with your Knowledge. I never hear from you again. Rant Two – You have a PHONE, text ‘no thank you’. You come back with your Knowledge. Friday, no Sunday, no Monday at 6pm, as it is very busy; it has a CCUK thingy, has once ridden a PSG horse and it doesn’t jump as it is missing a toenail. I do as above, you do as above plus simple changes and 1.20m (ascending), the Knowledge walks, trots and announces the neddy has a weak internal, lateral, bipedal muscular forestrain on the off hind. Rant Three – @!!!$#!!. I have three very nice BE100’s for sale.
Back to the business of Eventing, well let’s say trying to Event. I have moaned enough about cancellations to the Mother who keeps telling me I should be grateful BE switched to insurance refunds
when she was chairman or the sport would be bankrupt by now. Always such a supportive answer! Thank goodness for Larkhill and Holly Farr. I took seven; generally good dressage, one idiot took exception to the SJ downhill water tray in the Novice and five went clear xc. Not stunning, but acceptable for the first serious outing having only managed an unaffiliated 90 at Aston previously. Next port of call is Bicton. Miranda Collett does the entries- now here is a person I really love. First off, she puts up with my ins and outs, change of horse, change of class, I’m bringing five and need to leave by 3pm. Then, even better you get your times sorted in order with the gaps between listed too. Finally, if at all possible, you have all dressage followed by all SJ and then all XC so no sweaty in-and-out clothe change. Incidentally, isn’t is funny that whenever one is doing a quick swopsie of tops, stripped to the unflattering grey sports bra, the smart guy in the next lorry is at the window.
The rest of my entries are completely different from the masterplan envisaged in January, what a surprise. If there are an abundance of clears in the next few weeks, I shall keep you up-dated as to our progress. Otherwise, you will be getting the latest report on loo standards at BE events.