Well hallo dere! Oim a bit on da drag wid dis month’s column on account of moi Mums bone oidleness. She’s been telling everyone dat she’s been struggling wid da computer but Oi know she’s been sofa surfing because her backsoide is getting bigger boi da day. Oi watched her troiying to get back on [...]

Well, tree ta be honest, and occasionally four… but only very occasionally on account of not needing shoes when it’s bionic feet you’ll be havin! As ya know, Oive a bit of a ting about me feet. You moight call it a fetish but as a marching Orangeman, Oi reserve da roight ta hexperiment wid [...]

It fair feels loike forever since Oi was tellin ya dat Oi was off to our foirst event-dat-takes-da-whole-day. Well, who would have known it was only to last Turty seconds…. But Oill start wid da holiday for da Hoomans. We were all lookin forward to da break so it’s just moi luck dat mine was [...]

Well Oi’ll go to da foot of moi stairs – drought one minute, fair drownin da next! Mum and Dad had plans ta take me schooling at Stratford Heels but tanks to all dat rain, it got called off. Dere was no way Dad was gonna risk jumpin me into da water complex widdout his [...]

Oive gone from da sublime to da ridicerlas since Oi last wrote to ya all. Dere Oi was, roight ready to go and meet moi public when Oi was yard bound yet again.
Ssshhh! Don’t move Mum, dat pig is on your bonce…
It started when Oi heard dat Oi was off to a place called Great [...]